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ANGER

Action Step 4: Create a Trigger of the Week Card

Begin by selecting a moderate trigger - say one that scores four or five on your Red Scale. Make this your 'Trigger of the Week'. Write it on a sealed envelope or a 3 x 5 index card so you have a reminder with you at all times.

Beneath it write the significances or interpretations that you normally give such situations and which provoke your anger. Then list the *costs * of being a victim to this type of situation. For example, consider what it costs you when you get angry because the kids didn't clean their rooms? Your peace of mind is undermined for hours after the argument. They sulk for hours - days if they are teenagers. Perhaps you and your spouse argue over the importance of it at all. And so the list goes on.

Next, on the other side of your card list some *Better Ways * than becoming angry of getting what you want. What is a better way than shouting at kids of getting them to come home on time? What is a better way of getting respect from colleagues, friends or strangers. (In some cases there may be no way of doing this so accept that.) When you want your life-partner to understand you are there better ways than banging doors or shouting at them? Remind yourself, too, that you can't always get what you want - so accept that and get on with your life.


Action Step 5: Use the card when a trigger is activated

Every time your Trigger of the Week gets activated think to yourself, in the moment, 'here we go again - my trigger has been activated and I'm reacting like a puppet whose strings are being pulled - and this is no longer acceptable to me'.

Take a few relaxing breaths and then reflect on the implications of being a helpless victim to that trigger. Don't get angry with yourself, though, there's no point in that - it's just wired-in button. Simply decide you've had enough of it and that you are now learning to respond more appropriately. Use your Better Ways list and visualise how you could have responded.

Your investment in peace of mind

Work your way through all the anger-triggers on your list. Leave the highest scoring ones till last when you will have built up skill and confidence in neutralising triggers. These steps will require a few minutes a week but when you consider how long have you been at the mercy of your anger moods you may well decide that this is a good investment of your time and attention.

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