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YOUR PURE LIFE | ||||
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Loneliness is defined as "solitary, isolated, unfrequented, companionless." Loneliness is that feeling experienced when a person believes no-one is interested in them (for various reasons) and, as a result, that person lacks confidence in her/himself. Quite often, loneliness is most keenly perceived when "everyone else seems to be having fun/friends/relationships" with the exception of one's self. You can feel lonely: when you are alone and have no choice in this , when you do not feel part of a group or event , when there is no one with whom to share your feelings and experiences, when you feel disconnected and alienated from your surroundings , when there is no-one to know how miserable and isolated you feel. Loneliness can make you feel unloved and unwanted, socially inadequate, convinced that there is something wrong with you , self-conscious and ill at ease with others, angry and critical of others. These feelings, of course, can then result in lowered self-esteem; a (usually unfounded) conviction that people do not want you around; a reluctance to even attempt to make friends or take part in social activities; an inability to assert yourself and say 'no' to things you do not want to do and a consequential feeling of being exploited. Loneliness is very common. Almost everyone feels it at some time. It is not a defect. It is something that can be changed. It is a sign that important needs are not being met. Changing the situation may involve finding and developing a circle of friends, but it may also mean finding ways of learning to enjoy your times alone; to use them more constructively and pleasurably. It can come as a sense of emptiness: of feeling disconnected, alone even in a crowd. New situations trigger loneliness: the loss of a partner, a move to a new community, a job promotion or transfer. Often, it's accompanied by sadness, resentment or anxiety . There are many emotions linked to loneliness. On the other hand, loneliness can creep in when relationships and situations become repetitive or routine. Boredom and loneliness frequently go hand in hand. Loneliness is a part of being human; no one is immune. In many ways, loneliness is a healthy signal. It can stir us to make changes; to begin a process that may increase social contacts; improve relationships and explore activities that offer learning and growth. These activities needn't always involve others. We can feel content or connected even when we are alone. One thing is certain: we cannot wish our way out of loneliness. Nor can we escape it by wishing others would change - either by gossiping about them, or by sedating ourselves with alcohol, frantic activity, and other excesses. When we're lonely in a 'hot' sort of way, we look for something to save us; we look for a way out. We get this queasy feeling that we call loneliness and our minds just go wild trying to come up with companions to save us from despair. That's called unnecessary activity. It's a way of keeping ourselves busy so we don't have to feel any pain. It could take the form of excessively daydreaming of true romance, or turning a tidbit of gossip into the six o'clock news, or even going off by ourselves into the wilderness. The point is that in all these activities, we are seeking companionship in our usual, habitual way, using our same old repetitive ways of distancing ourselves from the demon loneliness. Could we just settle down and have some compassion and respect for ourselves? Could we stop trying to escape from being alone with ourselves? What about practicing not jumping and grabbing when we begin to panic? Relaxing with loneliness is a worthy occupation. As the Japanese poet Ryokan says, "If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things." The difference is solitude is something you WANT and feel comfortable with, a peaceful, relaxing and inspirational space, and loneliness is an UNWANTED experience of being on your own. One of the greatest fears we have is the fear of loneliness, especially the loneliness that one feels when we are without a lover. This fear traps many people into unfulfilling or destructive relationships, or leads us into pursuing the wrong person just to AVOID being on our own. Do you believe you can transform your loneliness into solitude? Focus on contemplating positive opportunities and outcomes. Spend your time reflecting on past joys and accomplishments. Consider what you can do with your life to create more satisfaction and fulfillment. Be patient, as it may take a little more time before the period of unwanted loneliness you are suffering will pass. Of course, don’t let the fear of loneliness hold you back from making an important decision! Don’t rush any decisions, take time out to think about and contemplate your options carefully, and if you feel lonely consider how you can change the way you view your ‘loneliness’ to create a sense of solitude instead.  TopBack Next •Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs) INFJ-"Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population. |
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