Mother son relationship

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  • araina mcclain

    2009-07-12 22:32:56 hello i want to know of fun creative tips on how to bond with my sons they are very young i have four ages 3,2,1,& 2 months so please i am lost with the issue and i want to establish the best relationship that i can with my sons.

  • Gwendolyn McBride

    2009-08-04 06:21:27
    Hi, I have a 16 year old son whom I am trying to bond with. We seem to be growing further and further apart, it is making me feel anxious which I feel is hurting the relationship. What should I do.

  • db

    2009-08-05 17:28:49
    I believe this is probably close to the most positive article I’ve ever read about mothers (single mothers in particularly) and the unique opportunity they have to influence their sons for a lifetime. Most, even our new potus, just presume women’s ability to parent well as solely dependent on her having a marital relationship-w/a man, & when/if that should end, then this woman who carried & bore her child/ren somehow loses her ability to parent well once there is no longer a “man” in her own life. I thought the advice leaned toward mostly-positive and practical and in essence direced toward the same goals 2-parents have for raising their sons. Granted they have an advantage IF the dad is a truly caring, nurturing, involved parent to begin with. Just being married doesn’t automatically mean the 2-parents together have, or practice, superior parenting skills. (remember George W Bush came from a 2-parent home…parents who are cousins, no less!) It takes different efforts for each group to accomplish the same goals. Thank goodness that perspective is FINALLY starting to be recognized & supported. If a single mom is constantly being berated, degraded & stigmatized as nothing more than a breeder with no intellectual capacity for child-rearing until she gets a ring from some man, what kind of message is that to send to her children, sons & daughters? Married or not, women are the Moms! marital status does NOT dictate her compentence to fulfill her God-given role as a mother!
    If this attitude of society were adopted by all moms, single mothers in particular, is it really any wonder they continue to parent ineffectively and produce children who also do not look upon society as a place of welcome where they can succeed and find their niche for a lifetime? Look what low standards and hopes society has for them. What is there for her to strive for if no matter what she sacrifices, plans, how much faith she has or
    “right-livin” she turns in, if the “superior married” society will reject single moms and their children anyway? what’s the point?
    Also, is it any wonder the boys especially eventually grow to disrespect their mothers if the message they constantly get from society is their losers or are nothing b/c their dad or some man doesn’t “live” with them? This to me is one of the main root causes of boys negative behavior. It’s aan effort to disassociate himself from his “weak, ineffective & rejected” mother by society’s standards so he can fit in and belong. societal rejection is partly, if not mainly, to blame for the ills these young men turn to, it’s not all the “evil single mother”. I’m astonished this,the most absurd prejudice toward this segment of society is so easily accepted. It’s PREJUDICED and it must stop if these families are going to have a chance at success in life. Parent & society have got to both do their part to ensure all children grow up happy, well-rounded, compentent, confident & contributing members of society.
    …sorry for the misspellings…I had sticky-keys and also was feeling very impassioned while typing and didn’t check my grammar prior to submitting my opinion–just a few blatent corrections: “directed”; “competent” & “competence”; “…if they’re losers…”; “…boys’ negative…”; “It’s an effort (for a boy)…”; ok you get the picture. thx for posting a good & positive article on an important subject.

  • sheila burke

    2009-08-28 10:22:52
    Ijust found out my 38 yr. old son recently married without my knowledge. When I asked why he didn’t inform me he said there was no need to tell me; no big deal. Our relationship has been strained as I’ve been upset for his not repaying a loan or providing me any update or contact of the issue.

  • Jodi

    2009-09-23 21:14:13
    Is there such a thing about a mother not quite cutting the umbilical cord to her 33 year old son yet? I was dating a guy who had a very strange dynamic with his mom and 2 sisters. Help!

  • jenny

    by jenny
    2009-10-05 21:53:09
    My boyfriend is 38 and still at home with his controlling mother. This article is true because he still hasn’t gotten his finances together. Every year he says he’s going to move out on his own but he doesn’t, much less even try to. Something strange about this.

  • Lina Sola

    My son is turning 30 years old tomorrow. I want to write something special for him, but it’s so hard to formulate the words. I think this article will help me with the outline for those key elements that I want to address. I have never felt such a strong love for another person in my entire life as I do for my son. Even through all the “trying” years, he has always been my first concern. There are so many things I wished I would have done differently, but all I can do is keep readjusting until we have the right mix.

  • Stewart

    We are.six months into our divorce. His out bust of anger are begainning to be more frequent.
    I think his daddy is tring to malnepulate him. When he is with me it takes at least to days to get him uncontrol. His father said what happens at daddys place stays at daddy’s place. He says things like dads going to get me a cell phone so you can call and talk to me’s just feels like everything I do or say is wrong or it’s incorrect. He corrects me all the time. He’s nine and we are going through a coustoy suit. His father want the parental dession making. What my son doesn’t realize if this happens he’s dads going to sent him to boarding school. His dad went to boarding school when he was in third grade. Im in the house and dads all set up his man cave.
    I feel I’m being ganged up on. What can I do? I’m scared to dead. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 15 hrs. Am I paranoid or is my husband teaching him how to push my buttons????

  • mike van john

    Help!! After 3 years of being a relationship I’ve had to end it as the relationship between my girlfriend and her 25 year old son was too intrusive, he would bang on the bedroom door, interupt our quality time and want to come out with us.She would spend time on the phone with him when we had arranged to be alone.Complete lack of discipline and she would do all the chores and not share making excuses up. She would endorse these actions as it would hurt his feelings if I said anything.She openly admits that they share a special relationship and he is her best friend and can share anything with him.She would phone him up when we were out together asking him to jopin us in case he was lonely. I do have 4 daughters of my own that do not have these same issues.
    She had a very abusive marriage and managed to leave after 15 years,the father refused to help with the children and never saw or helped them so in my eyes has become very over protective. Surely this behaviour is not normal???

  • Addie

    great article….wanted to know who wrote this. There is a lot of information, I’m writting a paper for my Sociology class about a mothers relationship with her son and how if not established at a young age how it can affect his future relationships with other women…I would love to use this as a source but will need to cite and give credit to the arthor..can you please share with me the names of the persons and books you got this information from. Thank you

  • Anuradha Sampath

    I came to know many new things after reading this.  Informative report

  • Tenny

    Great informative post. Your article was an eye opener for me and my son.  I did not know that his view of men will be defined from my relationships with men.  I thought his dad had that duty!
    I have become friendly and tell my son a lot about my personal life and don’t like to hide things from him so that he knows everything about his mom.  I feel this is empowering for him rather than being left in the dark with little information since we have been separated.
    I really enjoyed reading it with my son.  My son and I have an interesting relationship.  He will complain at times that I am annoying.  And my complain with him is that he doesn’t listen or communicate effectively.  I am a full time student so that limits my time with my three kids, however, I feel that I have built a very strong bond with each of them.  One that is nurturing and loving but critical and demanding at times.
    I happen to come from a highly descipilined family myself but I am finding that my family is different.  Today’s kids have different needs and soical standards that we have no prior example of. This makes parenting in today’s age more difficult.
    Upon finding free time, I am planning on getting more involved with him and his friend’s families.  I believe the more involved I am in his life, the happier we will both be.

  • ed

    its tough raising boys as a single mother,or married this site can help you do it better..

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  • kathy

    I am divorced and have been since my 2 sons were very young. Their father never visited, called, wrote (nothing). My oldest son was my best friend. I loved him so deeply. A couple of years ago he got a girlfriend and they now have a beautiful 2 year old. I am heartsick because my son has not spoken to me, does not answer my calls or emails. It feels like he hates me. I was respectful of his relationship. I did not get in the way. I really don’t understand why he wants nothing to do with me. I have not seen his or my grandson since the baby was 6 weeks old. I am heartbroken and I don’t think it will ever go away. I am depressed and worry I will never see him again. If anyone thinks they can help me please email me with some advice.

  • Burgess Fannie

    i am a mother , a mother of 3….i have two girls and one son …and he is my heart,yes he has a girlfriend ,and i hate that. in all the years that gone by,  he has always been by my side. and i love him so much for that ,because he has been like a husband to me ,made sure that i was fine ,so i hate to loose him to another woman.i can not tell you ,and it would take part of my life to do so,what all he has done and paid for me .but in return i has did a lot too!!!and he always had a good sense of directions,from the time he born.   even when i birth him into this world ,that was ez.first i should give thanks to God.not too many mama”s can say this .i maynot help no one out there with what i am saying, but it’s important to at least say how you feel.i would love to answer anyone”s questions if they have any.because i has had lots of experiences with raising children, and it’s a job.oohh and my son is 32 yrs old. i love all of my children but,he just sooo special.”””” and my girls are 29 and 25,and i am 52..

    • Neelamma

      Hi Burgess,

      I understand and respect the relationship you share with your son but please don’t treat him like your husband. Also, dont be selfish and hate his girlfriend or later his wife. Please dont do all this because at the end of the day you are harming your son. If he is unable to form a relation (romantic) with a woman, how will he have children of his own and a family of his own someday. Please if you love your son dont do this to him and ruin his life and the life of the woman he will love. If he loves a woman romantically, understand that she has a place in his life and you have your own place in his his mother..not his romantic interest. I hope i can tell u this before its too late because I know where these kind of mother-son bond will lead to. I honestly dont understand why ur comparing yourself to his romantic interest. Please dont view yourself as his wife. Let him move on with his life and become a “man” and form a family of his that when u r no more (and everyone has to die someday) that your son isnt sitting alone and facing depression. Im sure no mother would want that for her son if she truly loves him. This doesnt mean that u will be out of his life but let him create a relation with a woman and have a future when u r no more to nurture him…just a thought..

    • Just Someone

      I’ve been in a relationship with a man who has a mother like you for over 2 years. I’m actually dumping him because of his mother. She’s like you, treats him as HER HUSBAND instead of as HER SON. She even gets jealous when he hugs and kisses me (if she’s around she’ll even then try to force him to kiss her). So I’m done. I’m breaking his heart because his mother is just like you. Some day you’ll feel like shit when he gets dumped because of you being a selfish sorry excuse for a human.

      • Nancy

        I suffered too because my ex’s mother thought he could do no wrong and he did EVERYTHING wrong while we married. Threw him out by police force – a friend who knew him said he was a dangerous man but I didn’t know till after the wedding!!

      • Surreal

        The damage a mother does to her son when she treats him like her surrogate husband is utterly profound and permanently damaging, especially if the mother has found ways to keep him living with her throughout his adult years. My heart goes out to all of us women who have to be forced to deal with this insane and inexcusable situation with the men we love who are more akin to children than they are men that is until they confide in their mother because that is when they ‘look’ mature or pretend to be ‘the man’. This is one of the sickest relationships I have ever witnessed and it sets me off just thinking about it. This is incest as far as I’m concerned as its a very thin line between how these mothers operate, feel and manipulate and being physically intimate. They have zero boundaries and have ensured to NOT establish any with their sons so that they can act like their wives with all the rights that only a wife should ever have and NEVER a mother. SICK! I’m trying not to HATE my mother in law but to be firm in establishing boundaries but the truth is it’s up to my husband to do this not me. Whether this marriage works or fails is totally up to him because I refuse to do the work for him. I can help him establish the boundaries but I cannot decide what is right or wrong for him, this is something he needs to know himself. It is a terrible perversion where she has twisted him up inside all manner of inappropriate feelings and the result is that he suffers from Rage, shame, guilt, self-loathing and can’t function normally in life like a man should. She has made him virtually crippled when it comes to having coping skills and any independence including his own identity. She has ensured that his identity as a ‘man’ is bound inside her and feeling so close to her that he feels guilty at the attempt at trying to distance himself away from her when she is trying to make him feel sorry for her emotionally when she plays her victim card.

  • Nancy

    I married a momma’s boy and after many yrs of BS and his drugs, I thru him out and am happier single and just dating. Also, my mother kept telling my sister and I she wants 2 sons instead of us so when we had to put her in a nursing home because of alztheimers disease, my sister said this is what she gets for being an SOB for yrs to us. Period!!